Forgive me?
by Anna Marie Masen
Summary: Edward left  As in New Moon  I've playing with a few of the details  Times, events etc  Points of Views from all characters. Will Edward come back? Will she forgive?
1. Chapter 1  Research

_**BELLA**_

As I drove towards town, my mind wondering in and out of the nothingness I had replaced 'him' with, a part of my mind – a very small part – noticed the red decorations that hung on every store window and the huge smiles on all the happy couples as they walked hand in hand down the street. What was I missing? It had taken practice but after being completely aware of everyone else's happiness and how pretty much everything made me remember 'him', I had learned to block it all out. Take it all from my mind and throw it away, so why was this starting to break through that hold. The familiar restaurant that Charlie always insisted we went to for dinner was the final crack and realisation hit me as I parked outside it looking at the huge red heart that hung central of the window. Valentines Day. Oh Crap. I wasn't sure how long had passed but it wasn't until the rain poured s strong that I could no longer see the red heart glaring at me that I was finally able to turn the car around and drive home. As I pulled into the drive, the thought I had hoped I could fight from entering my mind consumed me. Esme's Birthday.

"Did you get the books you wanted?" Charlie's voice echoed through the hallway as I shook off the excess water from my hair. I finally caught sight of myself in the mirror -something I tried to do as little as possible – the red puffy eyes were the first thing I was able to focus on. I was crying? I scrubbed at my face, removing the shiny lines that would give Charlie all the evidence he needed. I would not let him see me like this. I couldn't cope with the pained expression that shadowed his face every time he realised just how broken I was. He was never one to hover but there were moments where I was positive he thought I was on the verge of ending things, where he would stay close and checked on me religiously, every time making up an even more preposterous excuse than the last. He appeared in the doorway but he already had a nervous look to him and when he caught sight of my eyes, he didn't seem surprised.

"I got distracted." I admitted but I needed to get away from his watchful stare so I headed towards the kitchen. "You hungry?" I asked without looking back at him.

"I was thinking we could get take out? Pizza?" His voice hopeful.

"Cha…Dad, we always eat out or have take out, it's not healthy." I rolled my eyes, remembering a time when I actually cared about that kind of thing.

"Bells, it's just…" He broke off as he placed his hand on my shoulder to turn me to face him. "Don't take this the wrong way." His expression apologetic. "But you seem to have lost your touch in the kitchen recently."

"No, I haven't." I argued back.

"The last meal you cooked you served me raw chicken in cold maple syrup." His eyebrows rose at me and his mouth made the strangest shape. Did I really do that?

"I don't remember you being sick?" I replied, buying myself time to think through the last few meals I've made.

"Who needs a dog when you have a kitchen window and a daughter who isn't paying much attention." He did that face at me again and I realised why I recognised it. My mum used to do the same face to me when she was telling me that I was a good dancer, not wanting to hurt my feelings.

"Oh." I looked around the kitchen before giving up. "Pizza?"

I sat unmoving, a silhouette in the window of my bedroom to anyone who may pass, watching the world pass me by. I knew the exact reason I sat here but I would refuse to admit it over and over again, always fighting the waging war that played over in my mind. The majority would say I sat here because unlike the television or listening to music, the outside world held nothing for me to trigger a memory. Of course that was lies, apart from his home and the meadow, this was the only other place that held the most of him. His secret entrance into my world, into our secret world where myths and legends existed only to get broken and tangled in a web that Romeo and Juliet would have been proud to say they were apart of. A knock awoke me from my daze.

"Bells, have you seen the remote?" I rolled my eyes again and answered without even turning around.

"No dad, try the sofa you were sitting on." I only whispered the second half under my breath, not wanting to upset him any further. I heard the click of my door shut and turned my attention back to my window.

I picked up the laptop that now sat on the desk where my old rustic computer once sat. Charlie and Renee had got it for me as a Christmas present, I assumed, hoping it would make me want to use it more often and therefore talk to Renee more. To their disappointment it didn't work. Instead it sat open and ready for use but untouched. I clicked on the Internet button and remembering that first day that things finally started clicking into place, I typed in the word that had changed my world forever. Hundreds of links appeared, some to books, films, shows and some I finally recognised. But it was all too broad; I needed a clue that somewhere in the world my fairytale was continuing, just without me.

'The Volturi' I typed, remembering that last story I had been told. More random sites appeared but something caught my eye on one of them. It was a site about fallen angels but the small blurb didn't seem to match what my idea of fallen angels would be. Clicking into it, a large scan of an old painting appeared. It wasn't the same as the one in Carlisle's office but the figures were the same. I looked closer and to my surprise I realised it was set in the same room just a different angle. They were real. It didn't say much beneath the painting, the name followed by the date. I saved the picture and bookmarked the page, wanting a future reference point just in case.

I watched the main search screen, as if I was willing it to type the words in I didn't want to write. Eventually I closed my eyes and allowed my fingers to do the work I didn't want to see. 'Dr Carlisle Cullen' I typed in slowly. I couldn't bare to think of the other name let alone type that in just yet. To my surprise many pages came up but as I clicked into each of them a forbidden or lost page always appeared. I had often wondered although not asked if they changed their names every time they moved, I could only guess at some of the names, if they did but my mind seemed to make up one that wouldn't budge.

'Dr Carlisle Masen' I entered it and waited for the results. Again page after page appeared on the screen, only this time one of the links worked. I looked at the page, his photo appeared and I couldn't stop the tears from streaming down my cheeks. He hadn't changed a bit and if I was honest, I was shocked at how easy it was to find him. The page was linked to the Christus St Marys Hospital in Port Arthur, Texas. It didn't seem like a good fit for them there, especially given the weather but maybe they wanted a change, somewhere hot… somewhere full of distractions.

As I scrolled down the page I noticed the email address linked to his name. I let the mouse hover over it before clicking on it. I had never imaged I would be able to contact them but what if this really worked. What would I say? Thanks for running away and not even saying bye. No, I was angry at them but I could never be that rude to them. I had looked at them as family since that first day, when Carlisle had spoken those six words to Rosalie, it had ignited hope inside of me.

"She's part of this family now."

I looked at the blank message that filled the screen in front of me. Esme's heart shaped face filled my mind. For the first time I felt insecure about them, I hadn't realised until now that maybe they wouldn't want to hear that I missed them or wanted them to come back and so as I wrote the message, I deleted and started over. After a few attempts I decided to keep it simple and hope that she got the message.

**_Carlisle,_**

**_Please tell Esme Happy Birthday from me._**

**_I hope your all doing well._**

**_Bella_**

I let the mouse hover again, contemplating sending it. A noise came form behind and jumped jamming the button down and sending it. I hadn't heard Charlie come in and I hadn't noticed him standing over me.

"Is that Carlisle? As in…" he cut off but nodded, waiting for my response.

"Yes. Its Esme's birthday today." I decided honesty was the easiest option. I had clearly been caught and Charlie was a cop after all.

"I didn't realise your still in contact with them." His voice was even but I could hear the faint shadow of something just beneath.

"I'm not. This is the first message… and the last." I blew out the air from my lungs as realisation hit me. They were never going to respond and I was still going to be sitting here in a few weeks time waiting, hopelessly.


	2. Chapter 2 Birthday

_**CARLISLE**_

I watched the rays of light bounce off the dusty Christmas balls that still hung on the near dead tree that had started to fall and break apart. A thousand mini shards of bark and needles littered the floor near the tall unlit fireplace. I was aware but I didn't really care about the loud voices that were now echoing through the front door towards me. I ignored them as thoroughly as I had done for quite some time now. I hadn't lost anyone so close to me before, not even when I was breathing and now I had lost one and another was about to vanish before my eyes.

The image of Esme's shaking body as she bent down and gave Bella one last kiss on the forehead while she slept – our only was of saying goodbye – flashed through my mind, as it did often. I tried to control these thoughts for Edwards sake but found it near impossible, did our Bella hate us now? She had no way of knowing that we had all said our goodbyes to her, even Rosalie. Alice, had been by far the hardest to watch. She had begged and pleaded with Edward, she had sat by Bella until Jasper and Rosalie had to physically remove her. Emmett, had been no help at all. He sat watching Bella, lost in a daze, refusing to communicate with any of us, especially Edward. And here we were five months later and he still refused to talk to Edward.

"Carlisle. We need to get Edward to go hunting." Esme's once joyful voice sounded haunting, a small reflection of her once beautiful tone. "I don't care to lose a son as well." It seemed to be the one thing we all agreed on. Bella was one of us and to all of us it truly felt like we had lost a vital member of the family.

"I'll have a word" I spoke as I stood, my eyes still focused on the dusty Christmas tree. I found it was a great symbol for our family; broken and barely standing.

Edwards body was slummed on the black carpet that lined his empty bedroom. His eyes were trained on the floor as he watched something in the distance. Some memory I couldn't comprehend.

"You need to eat Edward." His eyes met mine, empty and black as the carpet he had stared at just moments before. 'Edward, for Esme.' I thought at him. He shrugged and pulled himself to his feet, using the wall next to him. He turned and vanished through the window. I watched after him, suddenly contemplating if we would see him again soon or if he would take off on us again, just like the last time we had asked him to go hunt.

The truth was, I had already lost my son as well. The moment he decided to leave Bella, he died inside. He was truly just the dead vessel now, one that haunted us with his presence.

"You got him to go?" Alice's small voice came from behind me.

"Yes. I'm not sure if he'll be returning any time soon though."

"Carlisle, You do know its Valentines day today?" She whispered, barely audible at all… even for me. I shook a no, was it February already?

"Esme's birthday" I whispered and slumped, my hand catching my head. How could I forget? It was hard enough to keep the composure going at work, that when I came home I just let myself go completely and allowed the grief to swallow me. But forgetting Esme's birthday, there was no excuse for that. Alice presented a small black velvet box in her right hand and winked as she gave it to me. "What is… how did?" Her small frame shrugged slightly and she tapped her forehead, a gesture she had picked up from Edward. "Oh, of course. Thank you Alice." With her retreating smile she was gone. I was going to owe Alice for a long time for this one but it still wasn't sitting right with me that I had forgotten Esme's birthday.

Esme was sitting on the sofa not watching whatever talk show she had on. Her eyes looking at the Christmas tree, as her hands moved gracefully across the keyboard of the laptop that sat on her lap.

"We should take that down, I guess." She said without even looking in my direction.

"Hmmm" I said as I took a seat next to her. "I'm sorry" I said as I looked at her, capturing her hands in mine and moving the laptop from her lap.

"For what?" She asked looking honestly perplexed.

"Happy Birthday" I gave her a small smile, something I hadn't done in a long time. It felt peculiar to the muscles on my face. She smiled back at me.

"I hadn't realised." She shrugged. "Thank you" Her small voice said as I handed her the box.

"I'll make it up to you, this is just the starting present." I promised, but she didn't seem very fussed.

She opened the box to reveal a heart diamond necklace with emerald diamonds surrounding it. It was truly beautiful, as was anything Alice picked out.

"Thank you" She leaned in and rested her body against mine as we both just sat there. There was only one thing that would truly make her happy and it wasn't something I could give her. But then, maybe I could. If I just found Bella, offered her the choice and changed her, of course only if she wanted it. Then what could Edward really do. Get angry? I was used to that, at least it would be better than this zombie-like state. I allowed my thoughts to take over me, daydreaming about how in less than a week, I could have my family back together.

The phone started beeping, dragging me back to reality. Esme looked up at me, knowing that it was only the hospital that had this number.

"Its only a message" I spoke as I read it. Leaning down to pick up the laptop I explained to Esme as I pulled her back against my chest. "They've sent me a case file for a second opinion."

"Do you have to go in?"

"No, they just want me to see if I agree. I can do it from here." I kissed her forehead as she hugged back into me. It didn't take me long to decide that they were giving the patient the right cause of treatment. "Done." I kissed the top of her head as I continued to log out but something caught my eye "hmmm".

"What is it?" She asked looking at the screen.

"This email address. Lostswan. Its non of my colleagues."

"What?" I heard Alice screech, as she almost instantly appeared in front of me, followed by Jasper. "Did you say Lost Swan?" Emmett and Rosalie filtered in from the kitchen. The house had been so quiet now for so long that her loud voice was almost peace shattering.

"What's going on?" Emmett asked as he made his way closer.

"Yes I did say that." I responded to Alice who looked as if she had just seen a ghost.

"Alice, what is it?" Esme asked, sitting up know, panicked.

"Bella. That's her email." She whispered.

The house fell into silence again as we all froze looking at the laptop. Esme took the laptop from my still hands and opened the message.

"Is it her?" Rosalie asked.

"What does it say?" Emmett sounded generally excited for the first time in months.

"How did she find us?" Jasper wondered aloud.

"It's really her…" Esme whispered as the sobs began to break through her voice. "Carlisle, Please tell Esme Happy Birthday from me. I hope your all doing well. Bella" As she read her voice cracked and as she said her name she dropped her face into her hands and allowed the dry sobs to rip through her.

"Is that it?" Alice almost yelled. "She didn't even mention Edward?"

"No, that's it." I said as I took the laptop and passed it to Alice. I pulled Esme into my arms and tried to soothe her.


End file.
